Memories That Will Not Fade
by Muffin-Fairy
Summary: Edward watches the tape James made at the dance studio, and his reactions at the hospital with Bella before she wakes. Rated K just in case. First time posting.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello, This is my first time posting here at thank you so much for reading. I'd love for constructive criticism or how I may improve.

disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, everything relating to Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

I threw the door open so hard the panels of glass shattered. Shards fell from the top of the door like rain and scattered around my feet, and then I heard it, the sound that would haunt me for the rest of eternity, a scream that echoed through every corner of the studio,piercing and desperate, Bella's scream. The next second I was I was in front of him, the monster bending over her, my Bella, as she lay on the floor like a broken doll, a porcelain figure thrown carelessly among shards of mirrored glass. It was like a tragic tableau on a museum wall, heartbreaking and untouchable. The monster turned to me slowly, leisurely, with that look on his face like a horrific mask; it was a look of utter triumph. He has gotten what he wanted. The monster smiled and a drop of sickly venom dripped from his barred teeth.

My reverie faded. I still couldn't get that look out of my mind, it was branded into my thoughts, a blight covering all of those beautiful memories Bella and I had created together, a wildfire rampaging through every happy memory and leaving nothing of the beauty it had defiled but ashes and dust. It was like a movie that ran over and over in my mind and I would never find rest from it, could never escape the horrid truth that followed me everywhere: I had utterly failed her.

I was in Bella's hospital room, it was nearly the third day since the…incident, and she was still unconscious. There was a part of me didn't want her to wake up yet. If the memories I suffered with were painful, then I couldn't imagine the ones she would have to face when she woke. I didn't want to have to see her feel any more pain because of my stupidity. As she lay there quietly on the bed she had a peaceful air about her, and it made her features all the more beautiful. The slightly upward curve of her lips was nothing short of breathtaking. The irony pierced me, she was the most beautiful when I didn't touch her, didn't corrupt her with my unholy existence, and yet it was then that I longed to touch her the most, when she was unpolluted by my filthy hands stained with years of blood and sin. Her innocence gave her a beauty I had only dreamed about. When she told me she was afraid I wasn't real, that I might disappear, I almost laughed because she didn't know that I had thought the same thing so many times. It was as though, the moment I let my fingers brush against her cheek she might disappear into the wind. I reached out and touched her face gently, she turned over and sighed in her sleep contentedly. I laid her hand back down to rest. Maybe this is the way it's supposed to be, I thought, maybe if I wasn't there to ruin her waking hours, maybe she'd be gifted with this solace she found in sleep. I picked up her carefully wrapped hand kissed it gently. If I didn't exist still, then Bella could be safe and happy as she is now, every memory of me and all the pain I had given her drenched and diluted with morphine till it was bleached from the walls of her mind, just blissful, dreamless sleep…

The door opened softly and Alice's scent wafted into the room. I didn't bother moving; it wasn't as if I could fool her into thinking I was asleep. She came behind me and placed her hand on my shoulder, I turned and looked up at her but nothing could have prepared me for the expression on her face; she looked so sad. I had never seen Alice truly sad, afraid or melancholy, yes, but now her face echoed with an ancient sadness that I had seen reflected back at me so many times in the mirror. But there was something else, something only Alice could understand, a deepness to the solemnity that laced over her sprightly features, a tragic puzzle that had finally been completed. Without thinking I stood quickly to embrace my sister but she pulled away when I tried to touch her, pushing against me half-heartedly, I was stronger than her even when she wasn't upset and quickly but gently pulled her into an embrace. I felt her shaking softly as she rested her head against my shoulder. I knew if she could she would have been crying for a very long time. I held her tightly for a while without asking her why she was in such a state when she slipped something hard and smooth into my hand. I stepped back to look at the object, it was a black tape, unlabeled though I knew exactly where it had come from. I could only view the object of my sister's torment with fierce contempt. We had all decided that Alice should be the first one to watch the tape from the studio and when she felt ready for the rest of us to see it she would let us. I looked up at her to meet her eyes and she looked like her heart was breaking, "I'm so sorry, Edward. I don't want you to watch this, but I know you have to..." I nodded, I had both desired and dreaded seeing it but now that the time came I couldn't feel anything, my entire body went numb. I looked over at Bella sleeping soundly, Alice smiled, "She won't wake up till you're back, I saw her wake and you were right beside her" I nodded and looked down at the tape. Alice tousled my hair affectionately, "It'll be okay, Brother", she smiled at me for a moment and then she was gone.

I sighed and leaned over Bella's bed andgently kissed her on the cheek, "Wait for me," I whispered before leaving as fast as I could, hoping that if Iran fast enough maybeI could catch the wind.


	2. Chapter 2

I can't remember ever running as fast as I did to get home, not because I was anxious to see the tape, but the swifter I ran, the less ability I had to think about what I was going to see, and, of course, the sooner I could resume my position by Bella's side. My mind became a glorious blank as the trees became blurs and I couldn't feel my feet touch the ground. It felt like I was flying.

As soon as I got to the house, I was through the door and into my bedroom, not bothering to say anything to Emmet or Rosalie who were in the house, besides, Rosalie was the last person I wanted to see right now, I thought as I collapsed on my couch and buried my face in the cushion. I sighed and turned over on my back with the tape carefully cushioned underneath my right arm, undamaged by my swift trip "home." I looked around my room, this place didn't even feel like home anymore. I laughed softly, I had lived here for years, and I always felt at home here, more than anywhere else I had lived before, but now the only place I felt at home was right by her side. She was my home now.

I sat up on the couch, metally scolding myself. I was always acting like a hormonal teenager lately, it was ridiculous. I sighed, there was no use delaying this anymore, I thought. Why are you being so selfish? While your moping around your room, Bella is still in the hospital. I looked down at my hands that were still holding the tape and clinging to the delightful image, I pushed the tape into the television and pressed play.

The first thing I saw was my Bella, looking small and frightened. She looked fragile, like at any moment she might break into a million pieces. The monster sauntered into view and smiled, but it was the way that he smiled that sent chills up my spine. I snarled under my breath, it was a warning that nobody would hear. I was helpless, all my strength couldn't alter what had already been done, and nothing could stop what I was about to see. For the first time in so many years, I was completely and utterly powerless. It was infuriating. I was a bystander about to watch an innocent rabbit be slaughtered by a fox, and there was nothing I could do. I wanted to call out to her, to warn her and assure her that I would be there to save her from this net my affections had managed to ensnare her in. With every step that he took closer to her, my fists tightened untill I felt as though my fingernails would break the skin of my palms. I felt panic rush through my body as I waited for him to begin to destroy me. I didn't have to read his mind to see the atrocities he had in store, every sparkle in his eye or curl to his lips made his intentions perfectly clear: He wanted to hurt my Bella as much as possible. It felt as though this would kill me a thousand times over, but I knew that when the tape ended, I would, regrettably, still be here.

The monster turned something off on the television. I could hear voices but they sounded muffled, then his voice cut through the air, "I'm sorry Bella, but isn't it better that your mother didn't really have to be involved in all this," he asked. Bella looked shocked for a second, and then a different emotion crossed her face: relief. Suddenly all the tension left her body; she looked almost...happy. Here she was, about to be...hurt by this creature, but she looked so very calm, peaceful. Her face showed none of the horror or agony that was tearing my un-beating heart apart. I shook my head, "Why aren't you frightened Bella?" I wondered aloud, had she completely lost her mind? Then she smiled and I realized: she was relieved for her mother...Yes her mother was safe, but didn't she realize the pain she would go through, that_ I _would go through when she was killed? Wasn't she the least bit worried about leaving me alone for the rest of eternity? My stomach tightened, could she be glad to be rid of me? To be finally rid of this danger and pain which I had brought upon her? Was she looking for the same merciful relief I had longed for so many times? The calmness in her voice as she spoke to him; it was obscene.

The moster spoke as though he was amused by her ridiculous bravery, her self-sacrifice. Why did I have to fall in love with a saint? I had once thought she was sent from my own personal hell to ruin me, and now I realized I was correct, I was in hell right now, the hell where you watch angel's being slaughtered before your eyes in pixelated nightmares.

The monster spoke cordially to the angel, but every word he spoke made my ears feel as though they were about to bleed, "I suppose you're going to tell me that your boyfriend will avenge you?" He grinned as he said this, it was ghastly to look at. I growled quietly, damn right I would have. Bella's voice was small and beautiful as she spoke of how she hoped I wouldn't pursue the monster. Bella has a beautiful way of ripping my heart to pieces. If he had, God forbid, carrid out his plan and my Bella was gone, then she would have robbed me of the satisfaction of my revenge. Yes, I would have done it, there would have been no stopping me, but Bella's denied last request would have robbed the act of all it's sweetness, almost. I really was such a selfish creature.

The monster seemed unfased by her courage. I couldn't stand how he was looking at my Bella. It looked like someone examining a sheep before it was lead to the slaughter. His words were smooth and agonizing as he explained how he wanted a better challenge. He sounded like some spoiled child wanting a new toy. My Bella wasn't a doll to be played with and thrown aside...she was priceless. I couldn't understand how someone could want to hurt something so beautiful. I tried not to think about how I had wanted to hurt her, how I still longed for her blood. Bella was everything I had dreamed of, and this was clearly a nightmare.

My fists were clenching tighter and tighter, and I suddenly realized I hadn't been breathing at all. His tone was mocking as he layed out his plans like some elaborate chess game. He was gloating as he remarked his impressions on the human race, like he knew _anything _about being human. I doubted that this atrocity could have ever been considered a human being even before he was changed. My still heart lurched as I remembered...I wasn't any better. It wasn't like I could claim to be human, not with these hands that had ended so many lives. I once _thrived _off of human life. I pushed the thought away. I wasn't a monster like this..I couldn't be... I found myself with one hand holding my wrist like a vice, trying to hold back the physical punishment I longed to bestow upon anything I could get my hands on. I was suddenly aware that I was at the breaking point, and dangerously swaying over the edge.

The monster was ending soon, I could tell. I kept looking at his eyes, something about the look...It was...hungry, and Bella's eyes, they had so much fear in them. It was so familliar. Suddenly I felt like I had been hit over the head, it was the same look I saw in my victims eyes before I drained their blood all those years ago. My stomach felt like it had dropped right through the couch. How many times did I look hungry like that? How many times had I looked into those eyes, feasted on the fear? I...I had done this, it was me. I was shaking uncontrollably now. How many Bella's had I killed? Those criminals...could they have had someone who loved them? Mothers? Siblings? Lovers? Could someone have loved them past all their monstrosities..the way Bella did mine? Did I give all those people the pain I was feeling now? Could I...could I be him? I could hardly think anymore; nothing made any sense. All I could see was the television screen.

The monster adjusted the camera and smiled. He was smiling at me. He wanted to leave a note, it was all for me, he said. I reeled and saw the ground rush up at me as I slipped off the couch. I was leaning on all floors on the ground, like an animal. It was me; I was doing this. It was all for me, selfish Edward. Edward who was too selfish to protect the only person who could ever love him back. The way I had killed all those people and their loved ones, I was killing Bella too. My brain spun with the realizations. I could have changed her. I could have protected her. I could have sent her far away before she ever loved me. I made this happen; I brought Bella to this. I was doing this now. I was the monster on the television screen. I was the Monster, and my hands were stained with blood.


End file.
